I’m a long time lover of the musical Wicked and specifically the song, “For Good.” I’ve written a post about it before because it is a song I’ve held close since we sang it at my high school graduation and it’s just a song that sums up how I feel about many of the people who have played a significant role in making me who I am today. One of my favorite parts of the song is the first verse which says,

“I’ve heard it said,
that people come into our lives
for a reason
bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those
who help us most to grow, if we let them.
And we help them in return”

I believe in these powerful lyrics because I believe that we serve a sovereign God who places people in our lives to fill specific needs and places us in the lives of others so that we can fill their needs. He is mighty, wonderful, and mysterious like that. I look back over relationships that I’ve had just since I have entered my twenties and know that there are people who were sent to lift me up, help me grow, or teach me lessons. I also look back at relationships where I know, without a doubt, that God sent me to that person so that I could encourage them, teach them, or even carry them through a tough time. Some of these relationships led to heartbreak or temporary bitterness on my end. Some of these people I haven’t spoken to in years and others are the ones pulling me through every day. Many of these relationships I look back on and can clearly tell you why that person was placed in my life- or why I was placed in theirs.

There are those…and then there are the relationships that make me wonder, “Why, Lord?”  A little while back I met a guy. He was handsome, intentional, charming, and kind. He pursued me (BIG deal for me). We went on a real first date. We laughed. He even laughed at my jokes (another BIG deal for me). What I liked most, we had fun. As seems to be the case with a lot of good things, it was short-lived and ended as quickly as it began leaving lots of confusion and no clear answer of “why” this guy came into my life at all. What purpose did it serve?

A few weeks ago I read a post on Facebook by Lysa TerKeurst. It said,

“Have you ever wondered why God would allow something to happen?…These three possible reasons have brought me tremendous comfort when I don’t understand…
1. He’s protecting me from something worse.
2. He’s providing something better that I can’t even fathom yet.
3. It’s all part of the process of growing me closer to Him.”

While this post was discussing events I think it is very applicable to those people (and relationships) that leave you confused because you just don’t get why, those that leave you saying, “what was the point?” After reading it I just kept reminding myself that with my situation, He was protecting me. I didn’t (and still don’t) know or understand why he would be protecting me so I’m not sure why I focused in on that one–but I did. Tonight, though, my heart shifted a little. I started thinking about the “better” than what I can fathom right now. The “better” guy, the “better” friend, the “better” relationship with Him. The Lord loves us and knows far better, even when we can’t admit it and even when we struggle to trust Him with it. He knows the relationships that will grow us. He knows the ones that will change us “for good.” He knows how to prepare us for the “betters” that we can’t fathom. So tonight, here’s to reflecting on all of the “for goods” of the past and present, and trusting God for the “betters” that are surely coming!

I’ve been a daddy’s girl my whole life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mama to the end of the earth but I have always been a daddy’s girl. I’m the “female version” of him, as some would say and even early on I was deemed “little Wayne wagon puller.” In high school we shared a different bond, over a love for High School and college football that changed our relationship. From age 15 until my first year at UGA we went to every home game together, it was our “thing” that made us closer.

Approximately four years ago things drastically changed for my family. Decisions were made and as is true with most decisions, good or bad, no one was left untouched by the after effects. Our family entered into the unknown, emotions ran high, and anger was at the fore-front for everyone involved. I was emotional, felt betrayed, and mostly felt a lot of resentment and anger towards my dad. Our relationship was in shambles and months went by before we really spoke, and when we finally did speak I was guarded, defensive, and all of my words were laced with bitterness and resentment. I felt like the decisions of others were a direct reflection of me, like something I did wasn’t good enough and made them make the choice they did. After some time our relationship began to mend and over the last 3 and a half years we have been on a journey, together, healing our relationship and watching it evolve into something it has not been before.

For Christmas this year Holly and I decided that we would purchase a voucher for dad to have an experience to drive a NASCAR car at the track of his choice. Dad has loved NASCAR as far back as his high school years and travels to several tracks throughout the season to watch. He’s also an “adrenaline junkie,” as my mom would say. We knew he would just love getting behind the wheel of that car to “go fast.” Yesterday he used his voucher at Atlanta Motor Speedway and we got to watch as he experienced something new. His excitement was contagious and the joy on his face when he got out of that car was worth every penny and more. My heart was so full from being able to bring so much joy to a man who has brought so much joy to my life. I could have cried tears of joy because I know we are finally back in a really.good.place.

As we drove away from Atlanta Motor Speedway yesterday I couldn’t help but reflect on the last four years and the way our relationship has evolved. I thought about the things my parents have given me, experiences we’ve shared, and most importantly the things that they taught me. I thought about the anger that I experienced in those first months, how those choices made me feel, and what I really gained and learned through all of it. Yesterday what resounded within me the most was something that my dad taught me, probably without even being aware of it, and it’s all about mistakes.

My dad made choices that he isn’t proud of. He made choices that hurt a lot of other people, and that hurt him. I was so mad at him for that but who hasn’t made poor choices? Who hasn’t made choices that they were ashamed of later? Who hasn’t hurt the people they love most in the world? Who hasn’t had to rebuild broken relationships because of damage done? We have all been there. We have all done that. We have all sinned and fallen short. My dad let me down because he is a sinful human. But here’s the kicker- SO.AM.I. I’m a sinful human just like my dad. Just like my mama. Just like my sister. I’ve let them down and they’ve let me down. I’ve been hurt by them and I’ve caused their hurt. And we will probably do it all over again at some point.  Sometimes I get so self-righteous that I am angry at others for their sins and I completely forget (or maybe just ignore) how sinful I am. I hurt because others betray me yet I’ve betrayed others. Whether intentional or unintentional, we all hurt people, especially the people we love. What my dad reminded me is we are all sinful, we all make poor choices, but we are covered by God’s grace and in turn we should be extending that grace to those who have betrayed us and hurt us.

My daddy is a sinful human but that sinful man loves me hard and steadfast, in the best way that any sinful human can love. In loving me the best he can he’s taught me to extend grace, even when it’s hard, even when I don’t wanna, cause if I deserve grace as the sinful being I am, then everybody deserves it.

This week I’m praying to keep on forgiving, even when its hard, and to extend grace even when it feels impossible and undeserved cause the truth is–none of us deserve it.

Until next time….

Preface for this post:
The past four weeks have been a struggle. Maybe it was the way the stars aligned or maybe it was just how the cards fell, but I have without-a-doubt been in a real and constant struggle. While I may struggle to verbally express my thoughts and feelings, the written word has been a therapeutic outlet for me for years now (that’s why this blog even exists). Since writing is therapy, I often want to write a blog, or even need to, in times that I experience turmoil, heavy-heartedness, brokenness, and/or all of the above. While writing these words makes me vulnerable and exposes things many would rather keep private, this writing also heals me and helps me to find peace, even if it is just for a moment.

The real stuff….
I think I have always had a heart for people who are guarded as a result of their circumstances. When I look back at all of my serious boyfriends, they all had this in common. When I look at some of my closest friends, they also have this in common. Lately, more guarded people have become an important part in my life. They guard their hearts, their past, their feelings, because of the things that they have experienced. As I examined these friendships and examined myself I began to wonder- should I be more guarded? I wouldn’t consider myself an over-sharer necessarily but once you are “in” I do not have any problem sharing my thoughts, feelings, hardships, brokenness, past, and yes, even my crazy, with you. I began to search for what the bible says about being guarded, and maybe even shut off to others. Last night as I read my nightly devotion (via She Reads Truth) I read about Michal, daughter of Saul who loved and married David. Michal’s story caught my attention and I found myself researching, needing to know more. While this story starts off beautiful because Michal loved and chose David, it ends as a sad one because after certain experiences, her heart becomes hard. In the devotion on She Reads Truth guest author Beth Guckenberger shares many truth packed thoughts and I want to share this one with you (in case you missed it the first time);
“My heart has been stretched and I too have found myself with choices to make. Will I grow, lean in, be filled? Or will I harden, hold back, be empty?”

It is right to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) but even when our hearts have been stretched thin we have a choice, as Ms. Guckenberger says, “to be filled or to hold back and be empty.” My question to you is what will you choose? Will you be guarded to the point that you become like Michal, hard-hearted and unable to love with a love that comes from God?

As if Michal’s story didn’t hit me hard enough, tonight’s reading about Abigail (at She Reads Truth) brought even more truth for me to chew on. (Stay with me, folks..there is a point) Abigail was a beautiful woman married to a horrid, foolish man. What really spoke to me about Abigail was how she allowed God to use her as a vessel. She let God’s words flow through her to bring about a renewal for David.

Now- here’s the real question you are asking. How do Michal and Abigail relate? Even better…how do they relate to me so much that I was driven to write this post?

This is how:
Michal’s heart was stretched and she held back, became empty, and in turn was no longer able to love in a way that was sourced by God (Guckenberger, 2015). Abigail became a vessel for God – letting Him speak through her. These two stories provide the answer to my question- should I be more guarded? Yes, I will guard my heart but no, I do not need to share less. When my heart is stretched I want to be filled, I want God’s love to flow through me. When I share I want my words to be the words of God full of His purpose because I have become His vessel. This week my prayer is that I will continue to share, or over-share (specifically through this blog), if that is what God so desires for me. As the ladies of She Reads Truth wrote about Abigail, I want my “humble, honest, life-giving words, to prevent destruction and promote God’s will.” Even when those words are hard for others to hear and hard for me to say, let that still be my prayer.

When I moved to Ellijay in December of 2012 I was 22, fresh out of college, and struggling in more than one aspect of my life. I was nervous that I wouldn’t like teaching high school, that moving to a new town alone was a mistake, and that maybe I misheard God’s call and purpose for my life. In January, my first real semester teaching, there was a wonderfully awkward group of sophomores. I knew this group was a special one probably from the first day and I was definitely not wrong. This is a spirited, passionate group who pours their big hearts into all that they do. They are kind to all and I constantly was inspired by the grace that they extended to those around them. For the past three years this group blessed me, taught me, and helped me grow as a teacher and as a person. They were with me as I made the transition from clueless college grad to “experienced” teacher. They were always willing to help and eager to please. In May this exceptional group wrote me thank you notes telling stories of how I had helped them to grow, guided them, and taught them content and more. What I’m most grateful about, however, is the fact that this group let the Lord use them as reassurance that I am right where God wants me to be doing what God wants me to do. Tomorrow this amazing group of young people begins the next chapter of life at various colleges across the state. I know without a doubt that this group will go on to do wonderful things as they listen for God’s purpose for their life and strive to bring Him glory in all they do.

So to the Class of 2015: Thank you for teaching me, blessing me, loving me, laughing with me, laughing at me, and helping me grow. I’m here cheering you on believing in all the great things you aspire to do. “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:6
Lots of love (and some tears),
“Miss Huggins”

It is amazing to me that the devil is always lurking waiting for any opportunity to exploit my weaknesses. Tonight is no exception and I almost let myself succumb to his exploitation. I almost let him win that battle. Instead, I refuse to do that- and I turned to His word to rebuke the devil, my weakness, and the pity party that I felt coming on.

I’m incredibly blessed at this point in my life. Really, I always have been. As a child and teen I never wanted/needed anything because my parents both worked hard to give me everything I could ever dream of. I attended my “dream college” and obtained a degree in a field that I always knew I wanted to be in. I landed a job in an awesome community, have the cutest little house, own a new car, have the most awesome students, and recently found a church family that makes Ellijay feel like home to me. Despite knowing and appreciating all of these things sometimes I cannot help but feel like I am in a rut. I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings, I have watched my two closest friends become mothers to beautiful children, I have witness my mother’s remarriage, and seen my sister be accepted to her “dream college.” So sometimes as I sit in my cute little house, in my quaint little town I feel as though I am watching everyone’s lives move forward while I sit in the same spot, wondering what is next.

In John 11 we read the story of the death of Lazarus. Jesus hears of the sickness of the one he loves and tells his disciples, “he has fallen asleep” (v.11) The disciples, as clueless as I am, say “If he has fallen asleep he will recover.” But Jesus explains to them more clearly (as I often need him to break-it-down for me) that Lazarus has in fact, died. So Jesus and his disciples travel to Lazarus once more. When Martha hears that Jesus is coming she runs to meet him and in verse 21 Martha says to Jesus, “Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”

I identify with Martha here because I feel like this is how I sometimes address God. I say “if you had been here..this wouldn’t have happened” or “if you were here…this would happen.” The difference between Martha and I is that she immediately believes that Jesus can make a request to God and he will fulfill that request. Lord, how embarrassing that this is something I so easily forget and sometimes just flat out choose to ignore. Martha, despite her mourning and heartbreak, despite the unfairness of the situation, she knows and believes. As Chapter 11 continues we witness Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead. In verse 41 the stone is rolled away and Jesus lifts up his eyes and says, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe you sent me.” (v. 41-42) Maybe I’ve taken this scripture all out of context but to me, this is a reminder of God’s timing. Martha didn’t really understand why Jesus didn’t come earlier, why he allowed her brother to die, but she trusted him anyways. Jesus wasn’t on Martha’s time, but on His own. While Martha couldn’t see the big picture Jesus knew that this act must occur so that those around would believe that He was sent by God.

I can’t see the “big picture” and I am so guilty of saying “if you had been here..” and “if you were here…” but how could I not find comfort in the fact that He has perfect timing, He has a plan for my life (and yours), He will use my story, my life, to bring glory to His name so that others around may believe. What an overwhelming comfort I can find that even when I don’t have a clue- He’s got me in His timing.

“God wants us to do His will in His way in His timing”

Lord, let my prayer this week be to let go of the doubt of my flesh and trust in you. Let me strive to do YOUR will, in YOUR way. Let me be ever mindful of your sovereignty and of your perfect timing in my life.

Hugs. HH

When I was in high school, probably ninth grade or so, we had a Sunday School rotation for the Senior High class. They never said it to us but I think they developed a rotation because no one really wanted to to commit to teaching it every.single.Sunday. I remember when Stephanie got added into the rotation. I didn’t really know who she was, I just knew that she was married to one of my classmate’s brothers and that she was a teacher at my high school. I hadn’t taken any of her classes, didn’t even really know what she taught (to be honest), but I did know she was a teacher. We all looked forward to the Sunday’s that Stephanie would teach class. She was different than the other Sunday school teachers, she talked with us, not to us. She was patient. She was kind. She was understanding. It wasn’t long before I was visiting Stephanie’s room during the school week, sharing secrets, and looking to her for advice. She was never condescending, never judged me, never told me my “high school problems” were trivial (even if they were). Instead she would dry my tears, or give me an encouraging word, or just listen. After I graduated our relationship shifted from a teacher-student relationship to more of a friendship. We would have lunch dates and text back and forth a little. Stephanie’s friendship has seen me through some incredibly dark times and has celebrated with me in some incredibly wonderful times.

When I decided to become a teacher it was because I wanted to make a difference in student’s lives. There were several teachers who touched my life, teachers that I will never forget. My 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Austin, my high school English teacher, Mrs. Davis, are two of the first that come to mind. These teachers believed in me and despite how tough they were, or how much they frustrated me, they were constantly pushing me to be better- a better student and a better person. Throughout college as I worked toward a teaching degree, I would remind myself of the strategies they used, the way they treated me, that made such a huge impact on my life. When I started teaching two years ago I wanted to be that teacher for at least one student in my class (hopefully way more than that). It was only when I had my own classroom that I remembered- Stephanie was all of those things for me without me ever becoming her student. She touched my life, and is a teacher I strive to be like, even though I wasn’t ever technically her student (except Sunday School).

The night I spoke at EEBC, I got in my car and knew that I needed to contact two women and Stephanie was one of them because I knew that she was a huge reason that I got up there and spoke. She is a woman that I strive to be like in my professional life as well as my personal and spiritual life. I think I’ve posted about my relationship with Stephanie before (she’s just that awesome) but I think she’s totally worthy of more than one. She impacted my life (and I know many others).

To SC, (cause y’all–she still reads my blogs every.single.time)
Thank you for filling so many roles in my life. For being my mentor, my friend, the voice of reason, a source of encouragement, my supporter. For always believing in me and loving me. For filling whatever role I need you to fill in my life at any given moment.